| triiips |
[Feb. 4th, 2010|02:00 pm] |
A few days ago Emily came up to my butcher block counter, alone, when she was shopping with her mom and asked me if I was selling any weed. I was amused, and said no. We were pondering who was selling, and I asked her if she wanted to go halvsies with me if she found someone who would sell her some, and she threw her head back and said yes.
So one day I went to Kelly's house. I didn't give her too much of a notice that I was arriving due to phone problems.
When I walked in I saw that she was eating a salad. I had finished smoking a joint that Reylon gave me earlier in the day at the Tigard Transit Center, so I had the munchies, and I had been eating salads lately. I was like, "Oooh you're eating a salad? That looks so good!" Kelly was like, "Really? You can have some." She told me where a bowl, the dressing, and the salad was, but I said no thanks or something along the lines for her to reply back with something like, "Well I'm too lazy to fix it for you," and laughed. After awhile I did fix myself a VERY tasty salad.
I had a 20 dollar bill with me to buy a dub, but I noticed that she was selling shrooms as well, and I got excited, so I bought a dime bag and ten dollars worth of shrooms.
During that visit Kelly was talking about how she would take me to the Oregon Country Fair to chill with her for a few days, and she said I would love it. Of course that sounded like ecstasy to me, and speaking of X she was on it, and I made a joke to Reylon about how I felt uncomfortable hugging her goodbye after finding that out, heh.
I didn't know that she was on ecstasy until after we talked about the OCF, DMT, salvia, her post-nazi grandmother, her mother, and then her old dog she had when she was eight and the terrible health problems her dog had. She mentioned how traumatizing it was, and that she didn't want to talk about dead dogs because she was on E, and that's when I found out that she was on ecstasy. I had just gotten wet and wanted to talk about my sister's dead dog, but she laughed and said it wasn't a good idea.
I was looking on her bookshelf and I saw one of the Twilight books. I said, "Wow, you're reading one of the Twilight books?" And she said yes and that she hated it. Lauren tried lending me the first book, but a politely declined the offer weeks before. I told Kelly that I was reading John Grisham. She smiled and said "Woah, a big person book." I laughed and cheerfully told her that I was telling people that it was my first big book that I read.
I stole a hard cover book of Grisham's at work, but I lost my backpack that had it in it at a bar, along with my favorite lighter that Kelly gave me for Reylon's birthday, and my stolen piece, and some very shitty work shoes that were falling apart.
I ate all the shrooms on Durham road as I was walking home. It was pretty late as was. I should have known that that would have kept me up all night. During my trip, I felt irritable so I decided to take a bath and listen to the radio. NRK played a lot of great music and very little commercial breaks. Around the time that I was drying off Radiohead's "Creep" song was playing and I was singing parts of that song loudly and crying, ha.
I didn't see Emily too soon after, and I ended up smoking her weed, but I didn't feel too bad because she hadn't payed for it.
Emily came up to me again a few days after and she wanted to buy a dub of weed, so I went to Kelly's house the night that I was going to celebrate my birthday.
I planned on doing stand-up that night, and I practiced all night remembering my whole script, and this was the night before I had to open the butcher block the next morning. I also opened the butcher block that current morning, so I was pretty tired. I felt like I was taking a speech class again and cramming the night before I had to give my presentation the next day. I sent Kelly a message on MySpace about how I wanted to do it on Saturday, because she said, I thought, that anytime I would ask her to go do stand-up with me she would go with me. And she hasn't been begging me to go. She's been telling me that I had to go for months. She even wrote that I had to go in my birthday card that she made for me in September when she thought that Reylon's birthday was mine. I saw that my message to her on MySpace was read, but she didn't reply to me.
So I put my hands on her shoulders and asked her if she wanted to go do stand up that night. She told me that there was no comedy that night. I wasn't too surprised either. She mentioned that I should have gone on Tuesday, but I made the excuse that she didn't call me on Tuesday, even though she told me a few days ago when I was asking for a fake ID for Danielle that she sucks at calling people back and that it would be best if I got back to her instead. But it seems like Kelly has a bad memory, so any excuse like that would have worked, ha. Plus, I told her that I fell asleep after work that night, I think.
She wasn't acting to abnormal, but maybe, but who knows what's normal for her, so I asked her, "Are you just on weed?" I know it wasn't the best worded question, because she re-said what I asked. She told me no and that she was on acid. I was very curious about how much she took and what she was going through in her mind at that moment. I felt weird being there with her because I didn't want to give her bad vibes.
She said she found 150 hits of acid on the ground by the convenient store by her house. She said that someone was pisssed that they lost it, but at least she was happy. I think it's interesting that Kelly could spot such a thing, but also it was interesting that it showed what kind of place Kelly lived in, even if she moved a few miles down Burnside.
She said she would give me two hits, and she asked me if I wanted them for there or to go. I asked her if acid was okay to take if I was going out drinking, and she said yeah, and that I would just know that I'm on acid. So, I was picky about my SWAG and asked her if I could have one for here and one to go. She told me that I would hardly feel it, which I knew, but that was okay with me because I thought I was going to get really drunk that night, plus I hadn't smoked weed in about a week and she let me finish off a bowl in a her bubbler so I was okay.
She gave me one hit to put in my mouth and I let it rest on my tongue. I was just sucking on the tiny piece of paper for awhile, and I said something like, "Ooh, I should probably start chewing this, right?" because the last time I took acid in this form Reylon told me to start chewing it to eat it, but Kelly told me not to! She told me that it works best if you have it on your tongue for awhile until it gets soft, then I think she said it would be okay to chew it.
I told her that I was sick and that I was in the habit of sucking a lot of zinc capsules, but before I could finish saying that thought she said, "You're sick?" I started talking again, then she told me about how she had an orange that I could have, and that I should eat it. She was very passionate about me eating this orange, but then she told me that it was a tangerine. When I told Danielle this part of the story later, Danielle was like, "That citrus would heighten your acid trip." What a fast learner. And that's what Kelly said about heightening my trip.
When I got on the bus the bus driver was talking to me more than bus drivers usually did. She was like, "That's right, bring that transfer up so I can see it..." and she continued talking about checking the transfer, because I had an all day pass, and she had to make sure the holes were punched in it correctly. After she gave me the okay, I couldn't talk, or think of the right words to say. My mouth was open and all I could do was nod. Emily said she had the same experience when she came out of her room when she hot boxed herself in her closet when her mom was talking to her. All she could do was nod. She said on my Facebook, "pretty much, that was the best shit i've ever had...aaaaand i'm not even out yet :D
"theeeenks teej! ♥"
I smoked less than half of that dub by the time I gave it to Emily, and I charged her for 10 dollars. |
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| What I Noticed |
[Jan. 17th, 2010|03:57 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Girl Talk - Like This | ] |
I noticed that the music has gotten louder at work.
I went up to Garren in the downstairs office at work and I said, "Hey Garren, did you notice something different about the store?" He looked back at me from counting money, I think, and smiled and said did you do something in your department?" I mockingly went along with what he said, "Yeahh Garren. I hung a poster up in my department hoping the whole store would notice."
So, basically Garren didn't turn the music up louder. Garren was one of the people who missed listening to the music, though he could hear it just find in the downstairs office where he spends a lot of his work shift in, but he often hears me complain about not hearing the songs when I work.
Oh, and Bo was the one who turned the music down in the first place. And he was all proud of himself.
The other day when Emily was over, she put her hand on her forehead or rolled her eyes in frustration saying that she hated that the music was down at work. I told her Bo did it and she said, "Wwwhy?" And I got mad about it and explained things about how he's a snob.
I told her that she should go up to Rick, the store director, and ask him to turn it up and that I already tried doing so, but when he asked me, "You actually like this music?" I smiled too much out of embarrassment when I said "Yeah," so he didn't take me too seriously.
But I told her that Rick probably thinks she's realllly cute and that he couldn't resist her request.
She started practicing right then in front of me, "Heey Rick, I like jammin when I'm...--"
I intervened by saying, "Oh! Can I finish that sentence for you?" She laughed and said sure, so I said, "I like jammin when I'm baggin'" I then told her that if she said that to him that he couldn't resist, ha.
Well, Emily had school the next day in the morning.
Oh, and the other day Bo told me that Emily told him that she was a good liar. I still don't know why he told me that.
I widened my eyes in a mocking shocked way to Bo and said, "Ooooh really?" and I might've joked about being dramatic about how she lied about something serious without being specific of what it was and Bo played along. And I think we both pretended that it was about Emily breaking Bo's heart.
So, when she was over at my house she said, "Oh shoot! I have to be home in 5 minutes, and it was 11:28 according to my computer, and I told her that the good news is my computer time is 5 minutes fast.
I then asked if she wanted to be walked home and she laughed and said no while she walked out my door.
Well, the next day the music was audible, and Bo was working the previous night.
So what I think is that Emily wanted to hang out with Bo that evening, and that was her number one priority, because she got off at 8 PM that night, and I got off at 9. Danielle got off at 8 too, and Emily asked her if she could just chill at our house before I got off. Which was actually an idea that I had, and I might've told Emily to ask Danielle about it because it didn't seem that bad if Emily just went into my room and chilled at my computer with my pets for a bit, but Danielle the next day told me that Emily did ask her about doing so, even the chilling in my room part, but Danielle told me that that would be weird to have Emily in the house in another room. And I didn't admit that I thought it was a good idea.
I once asked Reylon if Danielle liked her, and Reylon said something like, "I don't know. Sort of." I thought it was somewhat amusing that it wasn't a definite, "Yes," And I know it was a taboo question in the first place, and I know I could've just asked Danielle too, but I guess that's just how I amuse myself.
I told Danielle that I asked Reylon that question, but she thought I asked Emily and that Reylon's answer was from Emily, and I told Danielle that I could've gone to her first but so on. Danielle agreed that she didn't like Emily that much, but then I reminded Danielle that I was talking about Reylon. Well, Danielle kinda agreed with Reylon's answer about her, but basically Danielle thinks Reylon is a bit weird, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Reylon is just too girly for Danielle, but we all knew that from September.
Well, Danielle told Emily that she couldn't come to our before I did, but I don't know her exact words, ha, so Emily was desperate enough to hang out at the store for an hour after she clocked off. She did talk to Bo some then, but she spent some of her break in the upstairs break room. She couldn't go home and leave, because that would ruin her lie to her mom. Plus, it would be more walking for her.
So, after she left my house she went to the store, I think, to talk to Bo and she persuaded Bo to turn up the music. |
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| Life planning. |
[Jan. 13th, 2010|01:17 am] |
Today I was telling Reylon and my mom some of my short term goals that Garren has been dying to know.
I told them that I wanted to build up a good sized art portfolio by October, which I've been working on steadily for a couple of months now. I then wanted to throw an art show/auction, and then make some money before my lease is up to see what direction I want to take my art with the feedback given and what worked well to sell.
Yesterday I bought a pack of charcoal. Before I lost a whole pack of charcoal and all I had were, like two tiny bits left which could possibly draw one drawing, and I was just at first trying to finish another drawing, but I was using it as an excuse sometimes to not draw, thinking "Whatever I choose to do with charcoal, it must be great since this is all the charcoal I have left." It was too much faux pressure that made me slack on my progression for reaching my goal. So now that I have a whole pack of charcoal I want to run out of paper by drawing a lot! In a couple of more pay days, or when I get my expected potential final raise for being a butcher clerk, which might happened in Febuary, I want to buy some canvases and PAINT! So I'll have some color in my art. I want the types of art that I do to be diverse, but with a lot of style, and even with different styles I want them to each say my name. So that's what I hope to auction off.
All while I'm working on drawings and paintings I want to be working on Flash. I want to renew my old website domain name, which shouldn't be too hard, but I want to work on a lot of small projects before working on something big for practice for something great. So in the long run, regardless of renewing my 207AM website SOON, I'll like to renew it in the future when I have something neat to put up on it. I also still hope to run a company off that site, like with selling art and merchandise.
I still like working on music, and I think I just want to create stuff and immediately seek feedback from it, meaning that I'll just always give it away. I want to create a huge discography that sounds very honest. And I wouldn't know how to measure success on this part, but I want to let myself feel free to do anything experimental. I want to create a prolific and diverse collection of music.
And I want to combine my music making and animating, and that's what I think I want to make my new website with, of course though, ha?
And I wouldn't mind my novel taking years to write, but of course I'll still be working on that through out this year. And since it's a picture book, drawing wise I'm thinking, I'll be practicing art for that book, while building my portfolio. I'm thinking if I don't get my book published that I'll just give it out for free, but if I do get it published then that should be some cool extra money.
And with the money from my other art, I'll buy more art supplies to create more art for money. Voila! I'm a professional artist, and if I make enough money I can quit my job. Ha, but I would like to find a nice place to live for a very long time before I would quit my job.
I feel that if I get good at animating that I can make good cartoons. And if I can do that I can get into the film business by having a portfolio with that, or have enough independence by then to work on film independently. |
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| work work work work work |
[Jan. 6th, 2010|11:50 pm] |
Today I told Bo about the novel that I was writing.
He knows that it's about my life, and he said that it's probably one long LiveJournal entry even though I told him that there were a lot of fictitious elements in it, like with fictitious conversations.
He asked me if I'm writing about the future. I told him that I'm writing a lot about the present now, and that I write small things here and there that I'll elaborate on later.
He said that he was probably in it a lot, and I thought about it quickly and told him he wasn't, and he looked offended of course, but I felt like offending him with that was good for him.
I told him that it was going to be a picture book. I told him that I few days ago. I told him my idea about writing it for a year or so, then putting it on a .zip file and giving it out for free. He said that no one would want to pay for it anyway, even though I knew he was joking. He added that if it's good enough people will want me to write a second one which I could sell. I thought that was very thoughtful feedback.
Emily came up to me when I was talking about my novel, and asked me if I'm still keeping up with a page a day, as if she was showing off that she knew something that Bo didn't about my life, and I proudly said, "Yep." Even though it's more of an on average kind of thing about writing a page a day. She gave my a high five for that too.
Right now I've written over 19,000 words, and with the same format of double spacing my paragraphs like I do with my LJ, it's reached 50 pages.
Soooo, wish me luck. |
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| God only knows. |
[Jan. 5th, 2010|11:42 pm] |
Yesterday me and Garren were walking to a bar around 8 PM, and he said something like, "It's just like when we were kids, when we would walk to the store to get cookie dough. And even the walking is what we enjoyed."
"Yeah," I said, "except now we're walking to get beer."
I didn't drink any beer at the bar. I usually like starting out with a cocktail. Yeah, it feels weird ordering a cocktail from bar tenders. But the bar tenders looked pleased with themselves when they know how to fix the drinks I order. Well, that's what I read from their faces at least, and when they say, "Here you go," with maybe some pride. I could be wrong.
I didn't finish my cocktail. I only drank half of it. I had a big tequila shot at Garren's before walking to the bar, and it didn't seem to settle with me that well.
Garren drank his beer at a good pace. He also had 2 beers at his house.
We played five games of pool. Just the two of us. I technically won all five games, WITH some impressive shots made, if I may say so myself, heh.
I declared what rules we played with during the last 2 or 3 games, which were you had to call all the balls you made, and if you made one of your balls in without calling it then it became the other person's turn, and you couldn't play off the other person's ball without hitting your ball with the cue ball first, and if you do it's ball-in-hand. And we kept it so if you scratched on the 8-ball you automatically lose.
After we played pool, we went outside of the bar and we started playing hacky-sack.
Garren talked about how he was hungry, because he had the drunchies and whatnot. He told me that I should understand, I think, but I ended up telling him that I was not drunk or tipsy at all. He told me that that was the reason why I won those games of pool. I told him it was fair, because I knew I didn't want to drink thaaat much when I'm playing. Plus, my cocktail sucked.
I ordered a Washington Apple. I've had that drink a couple/few times and it's usually excellent, but it sucked last night.
I told Danielle that I won Garren at pool, and we joked about how he's competitive.
I think she asked me if he made excuses about why he lost.
I told Lauren Pringle tonight, with Garren, that I told Danielle about this and she laughed, because we played Disney Princesses Yahtzee: Garren, Lauren, her daughter, and I, and Lauren one, and Garren said Lauren had the edge because of what games they usually end up playing are... something... I still don't know what his excuse was exactly.
Garren chose the next game we played, between Lauren, him, and I, and it was Disney Princesses Memory.
We played two games and Lauren one big time.
Garren won a little over me both times. He said that he wished that my turn was before him, so it would give him a better edge at winning.
Well, we reverse the order of who went, and the same thing happened. |
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| Dear LiveJournal, |
[Sep. 10th, 2009|01:27 am] |
Tonight was the first time that I can recall Bo catching me in a flat out lie.
haaa |
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| 8/24/9 |
[Aug. 29th, 2009|12:27 am] |
So, one day I got ready to go to Portland and packed my backpack full of random books to drop off at Powells. I filled my backpack as full as it could get, for the most part. I tested to see if I could sport it throughout the day, and it wasn't as bad as it looked.
So, I had an early meeting at work at 8 AM, and I made it on time! I obviously carried my backpack to work. I also arrived fairly early and smoked half a cigarette with friends in the parking lot before then.
After cutting it short with friends, I had time to buy a thing of Stride gum, and washed my hands. I small talked to Marie while trying to get five 1's from the $5 I withdrew with my cash back. Uh, pretty uninteresting, eh? haha
The only associates who attended were Danielle, Jason, Rick, and me, besides the managers who were lecturing us. We watched the video, and I took sloppy notes in this little notepad. Mostly to entertain myself and kind of to amuse Danielle, but it was kind of a way to channel my restless self.
After the video, our manager Dan asked us if we could state two of the four strategies listed in the video, and I raised my hand fast, because I figured the faster we participate the faster we could get out of there. Oh, I also had plans to meet Jillian at the Pioneer Square after the meeting. So, I named two. He asked me if I could describe them... Then I asked him if I could refer to my notes. Dan was surprised that I took notes, and another manager made fun of my doodles in my swag-pad, but with my thorough answering, it impressed them.
Jillian texted me, canceling our plans to hang out during the meeting.
The meeting went well, and I hung out with Danielle and Jason and Jerome for a few minutes after, then Danielle and Jason took off while I talked to Jerome about our apartment and moving in.
I eventually left the store and got on a bus shortly after.
My plan with Jillian was to meet at Pioneer Square, then I would drop Kelly's present off at her house, but I would call Kelly first when I met up with Jillian. I don't like calling or texting Kelly. It always stresses me out, so that's why I would wait right before going to her house so I would only have to talk to her once. And the reason why I would come so early was because her birthday was on July 31st, and it was the 24th of August, and this wasn't my first or second time trying to drop this package off to her. After dropping off her gift, we would've gone to Powells to drop off those books, then go drink coffee or whatever, then within the day go buy fish food. But Jillian had to go see the doctors. Poor girl.
When I hit Burnside road, I called Kelly. I apologized for if I woke her up. It was a little before 10 AM, I think by then. She said it was no problem that I called her, but the phone call was cut way too short when I was asking if I could go up to her house, and telling her that the bus was arriving in less than 10 minutes to go up to her house. I texted her what I would've said on the phone, and she told me to come right up.
I felt and Tweeted that once I give her her present that my life would feel so much more complete. I was afraid of dying along this trip to her house. But I'm always afraid of dying. Or something going wrong.
As I was walking to her apartment, I realized that I forgot what her apartment number was. Well, I didn't realize that I forgot the number, I was just confused where in her apartment complex her home was. And I was hesitant to ask her, but right after I texted her the question of what her apartment number was, I soon knocked on her door.
It took awhile for her to answer the door. I didn't know who would be in her house. Yeah, it felt sketch. I wasn't even too sure if it was the right door! But I felt somewhat comforted when I recognized her voice from within, but still didn't know if that was hopeful thinking. I stared at this wooden "e" that was nailed to the side of her house. I obviously figured that every apartment there had some letter like that nailed to their side, but I found it amusing that it was an "e" on Kelly's.
Kelly opened the door, and I saw her through the screen. I was even sketch about what she would look like that day. If she looked like the same girl that I once met, or be the same declining self that I was watching her become over time.
She answered the door in her robe and I saw her face through the screen. She told me to come on in, and so if I remember right, I had to open the screen door myself. She said that she might as well put some clothes on. I told her that I could sit myself down or something like that, I think.
As I passed her bedroom door, I kinda peaked in, afraid of what I was going to see. I knew her boyfriend Adam was home. He sounded confused about what was happening.
Kelly came back out in this small one piece nightgown, and sat next to me on the couch. I told her that I had her birthday present, and took out a plastic bag that had 6 hand painted, by Spencer, lighters that spelled out "K-E-L-L-Y-!" when arranged right.
She was thrilled and started unwrapping them of saran wrap.
I told her while she was doing so that she could spell other words with the lighters too. She practiced by saying words like, "Yell?" and "Kill?". I was amused.
She then spread her arms out to hug me with her bony body, but I kind of swayed my body away from her.
She eventually gave me a bubbler to smoke that was already packed with weed. My hunger from hardly eating anything that day made me want to inhale deep hits, to maybe mask my hunger pains.
She got up and walked to the kitchen. She asked me if I wanted anything to drink, like coffee or tea.
I felt high. I hadn't smoked in awhile. Well, maybe a tiny bit of resin. As I was looking at her, she paused and smiled at me and asked something like, "Are you really that far gone already?"
I thought she had seen everything by then, but I guess she hadn't seen a light weight like me before. I told her yes.
During this moment she told me weird things that she did, that I took lightly. It was cool to make her laugh, because ever since I met her I've tried. She was saying amusing stuff herself, that made me crack up too.
Neither her or her boyfriend were high, on anything. I thought that was interesting. But it was early in the morning, but I even asked her boyfriend if he wanted to smoke out of the bubbler, but he declined my offer.
I asked Kelly if she still had hash, and how much it was. She told me she did, and that an 8th was 10 bucks. I asked her how much an 8th would last, and she said about 7 days. But of course that depends on who was smoking it. Am I right? I bought 10 bucks worth of hash.
She eventually sprinkled some hash on the pot that I was smoking, and I continued to smoke hard. Yeah, if you've know me to a certain extent you would know that my memory goes kaput, and I forget where I am and who the people are that I'm with. But I'm so use to it, that I just wait until that part passes before starting to say anything.
Kelly started taking pictures of me with her digital camera, and vocally captioned the picture that she showed me of me, "TJ, the thinker." Yeahhh, all so familiar.
She took out a one pound bag of shrooms and told me that I could take a piece out of my choosing. I took one out, and she told me I could take another. I ate one of them.
I updated Kelly about my life, about how I was moving into a humongous apartment, and that I was saving up for a car. She told me that saving money up for a car was much more better than buying drugs.
Kelly expressed that the "!" lighter was her favorite. She told me that if she ever saw one of them missing that she would tell everyone in her house to empty their pockets before anyone could leave.
I continued to listen to her talk to Adam. I wasn't participating in the conversation soon after. I felt like a deadbeat just sitting on her couch sitting very still and thinking. I was wondering if they would be talking if I wasn't there, but now that I'm here in my bedroom sober right now, I figured they would have been talking to each other. I was just wondering then, because they spent all night together. But they were looking at pictures from the previous day or so on the same camera that she took pictures of me with.
Kelly eventually got up to go change again.
There was music that was playing that she put on. It sounded like ethnic music from India or something.
I eventually got up to look at the photo collages and art that was hung up on one of her walls. There were other fascinating things on the wall, but the art was MOVING! With the fast paced music, and crazy art, it inspired me to work on Flash movies again. Adam told me that one of the collages that I was looking intensely at was made by him. It looked awesome.
Kelly came out and asked if the heavy techno that was play was great or what. I expressed astonishment that the music changed drastically from when she first started playing the CD that was in the CD player. She said, yeah, and that the musicians that were playing played everything.
Eventually I sat back down on the couch. I drank the dank coffee she had made me. It was very delicious.
I was still tripping out on other art on the walls.
Confession: I think Kelly is cool in the way that she's older and wiser about things than I am. So, I hesitantly told her that the waves in this one painting of hers looked like the shape of dolphins that the actual dolphins in the painting were swimming in. She expressed that that was obvious in a way.
Well, after I drank my coffee, I walked to her kitchen to rinse my cup out. I looked around her kitchen. Her kitten was meowing at me. It looked thin as she did, and I checked to see if it had food and water, and its bowls were both full. I figured all it needed was loving. So, I pet it a little and it started purring.
I then started observing Kelly as she was taking pills in her living room. I eventually walked up to her, and she was throwing and taking out shrooms from this Tupperware container that was resting on the table. It looked like she was trying to fill the bowl up with a certain amount, until I said something like, "Ooooh! I thought you were just eye-balling them! I didn't know there was a scale under the bowl." She said, yeah in an amused way, and continued to work. Then she asked, "So, you really thought I was that good?" I then joked about how I thought she was that much of an expert.
So, the game plan then was to hop on a max, and she would get off at 20th avenue or something, and I would get off at 11th avenue or something to go to Powells.
The walk to the max was kind of interesting. She walked ahead of me with Adam, and no one was really talking to me, but I couldn't really think of anything appropriate to talk about. They seemed like they loved each other, and I covered up my exclusion from their bond with texting on my phone. With tripping, it kind of felt like family time.
On the max, I texted a lot while Adam and her sat behind me. I got in the zone, and I looked behind me and there was a camera in my face. Kelly said that it was fascinating. I didn't know if she was taking pictures of me or if she was looking at pictures on the camera.
I didn't know what to say at the moment, so I told them that I was in "Phone World". Adam questioned "Phone World?" You have to consider that I was trip-pin. I explained it this way, "You know how we hardly see each other in person?" Kelly responded with, "Like we talk on MySpace?" I agreed, and said that we live in such a digital world. And that's why we're so concerned with how our names are displayed and spelled. She agreed. And I said, well it's like a whole new intense world, and that's what I called "Phone World",
She discovered that I had taken one of those shrooms. I told her that was a good day to go shroomin' for me, because I had all day off and I was going to Powells.
I realized she was taking pictures of me, and I asked her if I could take a picture of them. I tried to get the max window in the frame, because it looked cool at the time.
There were moments where I was crying out of happiness, and I didn't know if they noticed since I wasn't facing them. I tried my best to wipe my tears away, but I knew my eyelids were going to remain moist for awhile.
When they got to their stop, Kelly nudged me on the arm and said her brief goodbye and I did too.
She was concerned if I was going to be alright, and I told her that the max was a good thing to be on while shrooming. She agreed.
Well, I knew I past 11th avenue, and my trip was getting more intense as I got near the waterfront. I was cautious about not chewing on my tongue again. I had a flashback to an interview in a documentary I watched, but the subject of the documentary was talking to me. It was the creator of Gumby telling me that art was light and light was art, or some shit like that. But it was beautiful and intense. I cried a lot! I texted Reylon what was happening and that people thought that I was going to drop off books, so my alibi was good. I told her that I was trying to keep my composure, like she told me to do on my first acid trip. This was right after she told me she was going to go to na meetings with her... ex/future-boyfriend. I felt bad for talking about being on drugs then, but I made a joke after telling her that I could tell people that I was happy about the sunny day and she lol'ed.
Before I knew it, someone told me that I had to get off the max. I had just woken up or gotten back into consciousness, and I looked behind me and there was hardly anyone on the max. I had arrived at the airport.
Okay, the reason why I was so relaxed on the max to get all the way to the airport was because I thought the max was an expensive piece of transportation that travels in giant loop around the city.
So here I was, with a full backpack that had drugs in it, and I looked brown, but not African. I had lost my bus pass, and I was afraid of racism, and being pointed out and being searched for looking suspicious at an airport.
I had to leave the max, but I didn't know where to go from there. I acted calm as if I knew what I was kind of doing, but then I figured that there were people coming from all over the world who would be as understandably confused as my trippin' self. But my rationalizing what others thought of me didn't solve my problem of getting out of the airport.
I loitered and tried to think efficiently about what to do. But I thought it was a good strategy to just wait for awhile until my high became less intense. But, I felt like people thought I was a suicide bomber. No joke. And it sucked. So much.
The whole time there I talked to one person, in the information booth, about how to get back on to Tri-Met. She told me, but it was still confusing, because I had just walked away from the place she told me to go. There was one person getting a douchey-looking tan there in the sunlight, and I figured that it wasn't such a bad place to loiter, since there were people who were waiting for rides to get back into town from the airport there.
But eventually I realized that the booth lady was right, and that a new max would arrive. And a max was there waiting to be ridden, and I hoped that it wasn't the same max that I gotten off of, and even if it was, it was okay, because there were other people waiting on it.
After waiting on the max for a bit, I decided to hop off and throw away my drugs. Yeah, I was offending myself at that time too.
Through the waiting and the riding on the max back into town, I was still worried about my tongue, and falling asleep, so I put gum in my mouth to avoid chewing on my tongue, and it would help me focus on staying awake. I was crying some more. There were people on the max coming from far away, so high emotions for someone could be considered normal. And I had a big backpack that made it look like I was a traveler.
When I thought I had gotten back into downtown Portland, I got off. Nothing looked too familiar. I didn't know what direction the waterfront was. There were a lot of young pretty girls and people who looked like they had money. I'm thinking, this is far from Burnside where Kelly lives.
A young Black guy, who was dressed nicely, but kind of thuggish, asked me if I smoked while I was pacing slowly around. I looked at him with my tripped out eyes and told him no. He looked understandable. I wanted to mention something about the dry season, but I was in no condition to talk to anyone and that would be stupid anyway.
I didn't know what to do at the time, but I figured after awhile that I should keep waiting for the next max, because I realized that I was on the other side of the river where Lloyd Center was.
Okay, so the max eventually came, and I rode it all the way to where Portland looked familiar. I got on a 12 shortly after, and the bus was going to King City. I at that point dreaded the thought of walking from Grocery Outlet to my house in the heat while I was tired and hungry with a heavy backpack.
There was quite a line of people for the bus, but it gave me time to notice how much bus transfers was. $2.30 for an all zone transfer. I put three singles in, and as I was looking down at the fair box, I asked for an all zone transfer. The bus driver questioned me, and I snapped at him something like, "Yes, or whatever. I put three dollars in!"
I really wanted to go to my shitty home.
The bus ride was okay, and kind of long, but satisfying when I got back into Tigard.
When we were in King City, I walked up to the front of the bus near the bus driver to wait to get off. As I got off, the bus driver thanked me earnestly. I didn't know why he was so earnest. But I realized it was because I gave him three dollars.
I yelled profanities at my sister's dogs when they were barking at me when I entered the house. My sister yelled at me and asked me what my problem was, but by that time I was in my closed bedroom. I stuttered with my scrambled brain and told her that I needed to take a nap. The heat had gotten to me too.
I couldn't sleep well. Around 8ish or whatever I eventually ate at Panda Expensive with Danielle, and I was still trippin'.
The end. |
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| oooOOoooOOoooo beeetweeeen the liiiines. |
[Aug. 15th, 2009|04:10 am] |
When I went up to Reylon's, in the morning she spent, like 20 minutes deciding what to wear. Maybe even 45 minutes altogether with multitasking and with the many changes she did! Maybe I'm exaggeration, but to finish my thought! I spent half the time critiquing her decisions, BUT she started them by asking my opinion.
-----
Oh God, maybe I'm too high for this. But, I was going to wait until September to update, not thinking that August was still on our calenders back when it was still July. So, good enough.
-----
So, it was all good up there.
And then the other day, the new girl (so funny if you've been reading my previous entries for years, because you could already imagine how much I talk about new associates at work and then developing them as characters in my LJ. Why? I don't know... Or dooo I?) Anyway, Danielle and I started talking about food, and I guess that's what we'll mostly talk about from the beginning until the very end (when she quits or gets fired, ha...) because I'm the master at microwaving shit and expressing my techniques, because I live in a stupid fucking house that sucks for cooking -- as of for nooow do I live here! Anyway, Casey eventually walked out of the girl's restroom and I told Casey as she was walking at a quick pace to get down stairs, that her ponytail was up too high. Danielle started talking about the bleaching of her hair. I mentioned that it looked frizzy. And she took my spoken observation "lightly", but I obviously wasn't rude at all! Then the next day she told Garren that I told her that her bleached hair looked bad, and I was offended that she would misconstrue (whoa! Where did that word come from?)... I was offended that she would... forget exactly what I said, and say something about me that I definitely didn't agree with! <-- I realized that my passion right there makes me appear even more gay. So yeah. I corrected her with grace and gave her a compliment on her hair. And she was either very thankful or very happy... maybe both, but if she was really happy it was probably my gracefulness that made her laugh.
But here's where it gets... better.
Well Casey came up to me a day or so after and asked me how her hair looked. And I guess it was the humidity lately, because her hair was frizzy too. And I told her so. I suggested that she put her hair in a low ponytail. She complained about this little braid in the front of her hair that she didn't want to take out... I thought it looked stupid, because it wasn't neatly done, or it was more likely that it was coming undone from being neatly done ;) Well she pouted or whatnot and went into the restroom. I was on my break in the break room the whole time of talking to Casey, btw, because she comes out a few minutes later and it was in a ponytail but not too high up like it had been the previous day or so days before. Well, she comes out and I say proudly, with maybe a little bit of food in my mouth, that her hair looked gooood. And I miiight of congradulated her. Thoooough if you didn't know me and you saw that, you could think that I might have been sarcastic, but I bet by now Casey had the "is he sarcastic or sincere" dance mastered by then and concluded that I'm always sincere. And that I can't lie. And that sucks for me sometimes, haha. But oh well. You just take any negative energy and make miracles. But she was trying not to laugh and said she liked my honesty.
Well later that evening in the store while I was behind my sanitized meat case I saw Casey walk by and I almost lost sight of her, but I yelled her name. She stepped a little backwards before turning to face me. That move of hers then is what I would call "very graceful" buuut it didn't stop me from saying, "Never mind." She responded with, "Noo. what?" I said, "Nothing. Nevermind." I mentioned that it was way too embarrassing to ask. And I felt stupid because I was a few years older than her. But she then said, "Come on. I asked you a very embarrassing question about my hair." I almost rolled my eyes at the thought of how much more embarrassing my question might have been compared to her hair question. But I saw the sincerity in her face. And with slight hesitation, but within no time at all, I asked her a very personal question with a deep back story that I hadn't asked Garren, Bo,or Reylon! Casey looked me in the eyes with (I guess she's going through some tough times lately, because I never seen anyone want to look me in the eyes that much before) such... Well, I guess the contents between those parenthesis expressed what I saw, ha. She then asked me some tough questions. I asked her what I should do... but then I figured that I was smart enough to know the BEST answer, but I phrased those answers as yes or no questions, and she kept shaking her head and agreeing with me. She was more quiet around me for the rest of that night. But it's not as creepy as that sounds! I think in a way she was trying to show respect to me for opening up to her. But the next day, which is today, or yesterday, since it's pretty late in the morning to be calling it... I forgot. Hmmmm.
On Friday, though, Casey was really chipper to see me.
-----
But here's a back story that I think would explain a lot:
A few months ago Casey was walking passing by my butch block, as usual. But there was something strange about her! She wasn't smiling AT ALL, and she had her head down a lot. I told her to "come here" towards case. And I asked her if she was in a good mood. And instead of her lying to me and saying "Yes" or "Yeah" or "Mhm" or whatever she said that she was in a good mood UNTIL... well I forgot, but it was like she ran into someone and that person put them in a bad mood. And I think she said that that person didn't notice. Or that anyone noticed. Well, I went up to that person she was talking about, or thought she was talking about, and I asked him why he didn't noticed if she was upset, and yada yada yada.
Then a few weeks later from then, during the time that I was attending school, she came up to me at work and asked me if something was wrong. There really wasn't anything wrong at the time, I just wasn't the happiest back then, heh.
-----
Well, anyway, today my sister was giving me a ride to the Verizon store because my rabbit chewed through some valuable copper in the wiring in the chord. You may be like, "Why didn't he just say 'chewed through the chord,' well I think my rabbit knows better not to chew through my chord, buuut she has will power issues. But she's not a monster.
In the car my sister was looking into her rear view mirror and expressed some slight anger, followed by graceful calmness and said that she thought her lipstick was too bright.
After looking at it for too long I thought it looked fine to me.
I was like, "OMG." in my head. I think that's where I got this stupid critiquing shit from!
The whole time during that moment in the car with her messing with her lips, I was hoping badly she wouldn't ask me my opinion, because she never believes my sincerity. Or, it takes awhile or something. What she did say to me though, was that she was going to ask one of her lady friends. But then she said if she was going to meet some hot guy she was going to say, "Hey Hottie! What do you think about the color of my lipstiiick?"
-----
Oh I miss Reylon... She probably knows more about my sister than any of you guys... or the couple of readers out there... But she knows more about my sister because... I developed my sister's character during the... the crazy ass adventures we've had, and I guess it's a funny motif for me to mention my sister to her, especially if I'm on something.
I told my mom, in fact, that I bitch about Katie more than I do about her. And my mom gave me a surprised look. Sometimes that surprised look doesn't look that convincing where she's not as surprised as she wants you to think. But maybe I'm seeing things.
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It feels good to be loved. |
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| I know this is the internet. But acquiring a search warrant is a biiiiatch. |
[Jul. 20th, 2009|12:03 am] |
Teej: The last time I bought drugs for myself was when I was with you and Bo, when Bo met Kelly for the first time.
Garren: Oh your shrooms?
Teej: Yeah. That wasn't even the addictive weed!
Garren: Oh
Garren: Teej I don't like the dealing thing
Garren: I don't think god would want us to deal
Teej: I don't think he minds though. And I pray more, and read my bible more. It's probably a phase. I usually pull out of things just in time.
Garren: Maybe I'm too tired to argue this but think about it
Teej: Well try and think about how good I am.
Garren: It's not about how good you are while you deal it's about whether it's right to sell the things that enable people to do bad
Teej: YOU should think about THAT.
Garren: So do you think Jesus would be slinging?
Teej: If he wanted to work for extra money, and if it was an option. It's the same as working at a liquor store. And we all buy from liquor stores.
Garren: But it's illegal
Teej: So is downloading music illegally. Christianity was illegal. If I get caught, then I DESERVE to get caught for not using my head. I think of it as my way of...
Teej: ...protesting, if I got caught. We have a bad economy. THE GOVERNMENT'S FAULT! We spend too much money on military.
Garren: Ok I'll talk to you about this later
Teej: I'm standing up for what I BELIEVE IN. Controverial [sic] yes. But I'm pissed!!!
Teej: Not at you, of course. But at this society.
Garren: Ok
------
The Government is full of REAL fucking NIGGERS! Seriously. Fucking monkeys that send kids MY AGE off to war to KILL OTHERS! And have US pay for it all! I want to seriously kick one of those fat fucks in the balls, but really fucking slice one of their scalps with a razor, and punch them in the nose! And... I think that would get it out of my system.
America is good, because we have hope. But some people piss me off.
And it's sad. |
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| short story |
[Jul. 19th, 2009|10:49 am] |
Once upon a time I met a guy at party, and I felt like he was a douche at first, but he seemed pretty down to earth after getting to know him.
I discovered after awhile that he ended up not knowing anyone at the party once the one or two people he knew left. He craved chilling with me there, and so throughout the night I kept him company.
He found out that I deal drugs. I told him I could hook him up with anything he wanted. He said he wanted acid, and I'm still learning prices, and how people measure doses. I'm such a n00b, obviously?
I was really fucked up with weed and alcohol. I try to act like I knew what I was doing. I opened up Notepad on my beloved phone, and asked him if he could write down his order in my phone. I had some issues asking if he knew how to type with predictive text.
He knew how to write on my phone, but I misinterpreted his disability of expressing his order in words with him not knowing how to type at first. Well, he wrote down the first half of his order, but I realized that I was great at writing on my phone, even when I was crunk.
If I remember right, he suggested that I text him throughout our dealing relationship. I discovered that he doesn't like talking on the phone at all, and he made impressions of bullshit small talk over the phone. I told him my least favorite part was saying the good-byes, because they tend to stretch out pointlessly. I told him that he would never hear my voice unless it was IRL.
Well, throughout the next day I was negotiating with my supplier, which is frustrating at times, but I feel like I'm getting the hang of it.
I tried suggesting my client to buy some tasty shrooms, while not making it look like I was pressuring him too much.
I feel like I learned from the best. Well, not the best, but I learned well from my own observations of who hussles me.
With my acid ordering going kinda slow, he ironically asked me if I sold weed. I said I do, and asked him how much he was interested in. He said 20 bucks worth, and he stated that he was poor. I said 25. He agreed.
I went to get his weed, and another person's weed. I picked up some shrooms, because I knew of someone else who was interested in them. And I discovered that my connection has some acid.
He wanted originally 10 hits of acid for 50-100 bucks worth. He told me at the party that he wanted to take 5 hits of acid and go on a bike ride.
Well, I picked up 6 hits for 30 bucks.
When it came time to meet up with him and deliver, we got the weed situated pretty quickly. I stated that I had the acid on me, and that it was 6 hits for 40. I figured that he didn't have the money, but it's nice thing to have your clients feel that you're obedient to their wishes, in a way. I asked him if he wanted a shroom truffle for 8 bucks. I bought 3 of them for 20 bucks. I sampled half of one, and wasn't trippin' too hard while dealing with him, but the substance in me encouraged me to keep up-selling to him.
I realized, greatly, that Carl's Jr. really did a number to me with hassling me to up-sell to costumers. So, that's what I did to this client.
I told him that I sampled half of one and was feelin' pretty good. He was with a friend and I told him that they could share one truffle with his friend and it'll be worth it. So, he bought one truffle for 8 bucks.
The deal ended nicely. I told him he could text me anytime, anywhere. And he was pleased with that.
He shortly texted me after, "Thanks much my friend." |
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| I used the b-word in gooood terms |
[Jul. 15th, 2009|10:14 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  good | ] |
Here's a pitch about how hustlin's a cinch when your connection's a bitch
The exception is is when she hits the smack and she falls on her ass
But she always hurries back to make her fast cash
And I in return get my bread started to stack
But no matter how you slice it I'll always be a nice kid
And that's because she always handles the business in her pretty dresses
So gangstas give her less shit
These are confessions; don't know how you'll use them
For me, shit gets whack, but I'll always have her back when I tell her to step over the crack
She knows the facts and she don't talk back
But time and again I'm there as a friend
I'll hope, pray, and pretend that this trend will soon end.
S'all that there is left to say is, a-men. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 4th, 2009|03:19 am] |
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I sure hope Cage is doing alright. |
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| Ha, Loren's funny. |
[Jun. 26th, 2009|02:58 am] |
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I'm not even that drunk or high right now. She's definitely one of my favorite people and friends :) |
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| 2007 Track #9 |
[Jun. 10th, 2009|10:45 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | King City | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Notorious B.I.G. | ] |
My life is pretty f'ing weird right now. So, let me explain by stating what might happen tomorrow. I'll start by waking up, hopefully early enough to clean my room and house. Then my mom will pick me up to have lunch with her at 1 PM. Then, 2 or 3 I MIGHT hang out with Cherish, but regardless, I HAVE to go downtown to see Kelly to pay her 40 dollars, but then in the same moment ask her where her show will be at later that day, and also ask her when it starts. I could finally meet up with Matt Case for a bit, if Cherish doesn't hang out with me, not because of any of them, but because I like 1-on-1 times with people more. I have to meet up with Bryant eventually, because he's going with me to see Kelly's show.
Now the weird parts, excluding some, are as followed.
I told my mom that I was finally done with school a couple days ago, when I actually just stopped showing up for classes a couple weeks ago. I told her I was too stressed to see her until school was over, which is what I thought at the time, if you know what I mean.
Cherish working at McDonalds next to Albertsons. Pretty fucking weird.
Kelly was able to give 15 tickets out to see her show, and when she called me for money she was excited to tell me about them. I told her that I definitely could find someone to go with me, so she gave me ticket for that person too. I realized that finding someone was harder than i thought. Well, it's just weird that the very first, and fastest to respond was Bryant when I left a log on AS. I hadn't seen Bryant since St. Patrick's Day.
So, yeah. I guess I excluded a lot. |
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| 51 |
[May. 24th, 2009|01:01 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | King City | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | good | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Sly & The Family Stone - Family Affair | ] |
I just realized why I'm so depressed! And I don't know if it'll do any good to know why, but lets see...
It's because I have a good memory, or at least I use to, which is probably why I'm a bit more happier, because I'm losing my memory with so many drugs, and a lot more pot.
So, it's like how Homer Simpson expressed getting out of bed when being pulled out of bed by Marge when he was dreaming about being in his mother's womb.
See, I wasn't always depressed. I use to probably be one of the happiest kids ever, even under harsh conditions. But there are sometimes when harsh conditions are so harsh that they preeminently change ones surroundings, hence from being in a cozy womb to a life shattering experience of being able to get cold and feeling so vulnerable! So vulnerable that you just get sad and cry your heart out, until you comforted, if you comforted (perhaps only happens in the wild under rare conditions).
Now anyone could have the fair right to be depressed over what I think is sad, but whatever it is that made me sad is a fair reason to make me sad, because I know what I've personally experienced in my OWN perception, and the only thing that heals perception errors is learning from your mistakes and fixing problems, and sometimes the only way to fix some problems is letting time heal without creating more problems, which I try not to create harder, because I'm learning to look at myself from the outside.
I think that's it. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 21st, 2009|11:04 am] |
I love you.
Sometimes I wake up in the morning and think that, and I want to text you that, but maybe you'll wake up in the morning in the future and just know. |
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| Joke: |
[May. 20th, 2009|10:11 pm] |
Drinking beer, smoking pot, doing shrooms, taking acid, it'll mess with your memory I'll tell you what.
Sometimes I want my memory to come back, but then after taking a shit load of shrooms, I get daymares that my memory will come back with a vegence, and show me the depression that I once happily left.
PS: I'm trying to give some technology a break so I can be productive until summer starts. Ok! Oh, and go to Antishift, because I wrote so much on that site, so if you miss not getting comments responded to you, or replied text messages, and that sort of stuff, just go there and you'll see my personality in text and image form, and you'll feel closer to me. It'll only be a month.
Dang, LJ is pretty cool for things like this. heh, only if someone would read my LiveJournal would this post be useful. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 15th, 2009|02:36 am] |
A few minutes after getting off the phone with Reylon after talking about this girl I met and was excited to see the next day, I texted her:
Reylon, if I ever got married, I would want you to be my bestlady, and not have you look stupid while doing so :)
and she replied back:
Lol that's so funny i wanted you to be my best man. But i wasn't sure if that was possible. I swear to god! Lol
Then I laughed my ass off. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 9th, 2009|05:38 pm] |
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I was going to text you this: In the future I think I'm going to tell you a lot about this day. |
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